I didn’t suggest that voting for a computer, tattoo, or both was a contest, but Margaret K. made a suggestion that is marvelous and she wins the non-existent contest! Margaret voted for a tattoo on a computer!! I picked out the computer this morning, but in typical fashion, I gave myself some time to think it over. I’ve thought it over and will return to Best Buy in the morning to buy it–now, as for the tattoo…anybody know how to do that on a computer??
peace and love,
nan
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I saw my medical oncologist this afternoon–the one who is less than optimistic and at best talks about “pretty good.” He had the results of the CT scan I had on Monday and grinned as he looked at it. He said: “If I didn’t know you had cancer, I’d say this scan shows a normal lung.” I’d love to put an exclamation mark after that sentence, but he’s not an exclamation type person–however, I am.
MY SCAN SHOWED A NORMAL LUNG!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can hardly believe it! I was asked by the social worker what I planned to do to celebrate and thought about that as I drove home. I decided I’d either buy a new computer or get a tattoo–or, maybe, both! Anybody want to vote on which is the best celebration for me?
I feel blessed and loved–blessed with good doctors/nurses/treatment and loved by you. Many thanks and more later….
love, nan
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Winter has come in with a roar–very cold with a good deal of wind, and a day of light snow that led to lots of accidents because it was such a surprise. I am ready for spring!
Following my last chemotherapy–my very last!–I had a rough time with great fatigue and feeling just plain crummy. That lasted almost three weeks and, toward the end of that time, I went to the cancer center to be hydrated, hoping that would help me feel better, as it had at an earlier time. An alert nurse got permission from my doctor to test my blood. My white count was critically low and that was the cause of the fatigue and feeling crummy. There’s little that can be done other than to beef up good nutrition and rest. I did both and I am now feeling better. What I want, however, is to feel good!
It had been made clear to me in the beginning of my treatment that one possibility after chemotherapy and radiation therapy was that I might be a candidate for cranial prophylactic irradiation. That would happen only if the results of the other treatments were positive. It would kill off any undetected cancer present in the brain and prevent metastasis to the brain. Chemotherapy and radiation to the lung have been positive–the tumors have shrunk so much that some consider me in remission–yeah!–so, the question was put to me as to whether or not I wanted the brain irradiation. My first response was “yes,” without much thought.
Then I began to think about the possible consequences of having my brain–that with which I think–irradiated. I began to do some research on the web and discovered some possible problems that concerned me. And, my cousin called with news that a friend of his brother-in-law had had brain radiation and had suffered cognitive loss as a consequence. I did not want that. One article I read said that it was contraindicated in the elderly, and I certainly qualify for that! A result of my gathering information led me to question my earlier decision. My radiation oncologist, a fine doctor, was willing to make an appointment just to discuss my concerns.
The doctor was able to point out that some of the negative data I had collected were outdated and changes had been made in the procedure to compensate for the problems. He went over the typically positive results, including a possible long-term remission. (He used the word “cure,” but I know that’s not a popular word in the world of cancer treatment.)
Following my conversation with the radiation oncologist, I walked down the hall to talk with the social worker about the same issue. She pointed out that I was concerned about my cognitive functioning and, if the cancer metastasized to the brain, my cognition would truly suffer. It was also likely that I would not be able to stay home alone, but would need to be in a nursing home. I want to avoid a nursing home at all costs–don’t we all?
I made a decision. I will have the CPI (cranial prophylactic irradiation). The radiation oncologist agreed that I could start after Christmas, but not as late as the first of January. I will have the preparatory work done–which includes having a mask made and paper work–on December 14 and begin the CPI on December 27. It’s a decision I’m not fully comfortable with, but which makes sense when I look at the statistics and consider the alternatives.
love,
nan
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I have just discovered that the online Miriam Webster dictionary lists gift as both a noun and a verb–can’t ask for better verification than that! So, my friends, my apology was not necessary, but still stands for those unwilling to accept gift as a verb.
peace and love,
nan
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I had my last chemotherapy treatment!! It’s wonderful, but there is a bittersweet taste to it since I have been around the chemo nurses for four months now and have gotten to know and like them. I will miss them, but plan to drop by when I am in in the building. They gave me a lovely certificate of completion with signatures and best wishes and congratulations, as well as hugs and kisses. I want to frame it, but someone–unnamed–wrote in the margin so I will have to look for a clear frame because I wouldn’t want to miss all those exclamation points!!
On December 12, I go back for a CT scan and then see the oncologist the next day. On December 14, I will be fitted with a mask for the 15 radiations to the brain, but don’t know exactly when that will begin.
Though the treatment journey isn’t complete, the two major aspects of it are: radiation to the lung and chemotherapy. I feel blessed to have had such good care and know that will continue.
Just a few short months ago, I was facing death in the near future. Now I am facing life for an unknown future, but there is a significant difference. Now I feel able to consider a future whereas, facing death, I was able only to consider how to prepare for it. Now I can buy fascinating rainbow sneakers–that have been a big hit–and consider what it might be that I will do next summer or fall. Among those things are to fulfill some of the things on my bucket list–because I want to, not because I have to!
Thank you for sharing this journey with me!
peace and love,
nan
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My apologies to all for using a noun, gift, as a verb, gifting, in my Yippee post. I know better, but sometimes my emotions run away from my grammar. At any rate, I wanted you to know that I do know the difference between a noun and a verb–most of the time!!
peace and love,
nan
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My blood work was “perfect” and I was able to start my last round of chemo today. I never thought I’d be so happy to have chemo, but this is special–my last round. As of Thursday late morning, I will be through with chemo!!! That is a grand reason for happiness.
I wore my rainbow shoes today and wowed those at the cancer center–I expect a rush of people wanting to buy the shoes. Yet, some are hesitant–seeing them as a little too much. Ah, but what smiles they bring to peoples’ faces–that makes them gift!
The other big event today was a surprise gifting to the marvelous social worker at the cancer center. Each of us can tell at least one story of how very much she has helped us and we wanted to show our appreciation with something concrete. Something that would last as a reminder of the esteem in which we hold her. She was surprised and pleased and it was a fine gathering.
All in all, a stellar day!
love,
nan
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I knew you would want to see a picture of my rainbow running shoes that arrived today–I think they might even glow in the dark! Here they are:
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Yesterday I was supposed to begin my last round of chemotherapy, but my white blood count was too low and I have to wait until that improves, which will be at least another week–bummer. I did see my oncologist and he would not agree that I am in remission, but did say my response was excellent. That’s not as optimistic as the doctors at the other cancer center, but optimistic for him since he had first said my response was “pretty good”!
About a month after my last chemo treatment, I will have 15 radiations to my brain. That’s a little scary, but it’s been explained to me as most important since the favorite place for this cancer to migrate is the brain. There’s no sign of cancer in my brain now, but scans are not perfect and there might be some hiding from detection. In addition, the radiation is supposed to be prophylactic. This will delay the re-growth of my hair, but I’ve become used to my bald head–on which a number of people have bestowed compliments! It will become more problematic as the cold weather descends, but I do have a grand selection of hats.
I have started to celebrate the news of a remission (whatever word the doctors use), by first getting a glazed doughnut and then ordering a pair of rainbow colored New Balance running shoes. I don’t run, but I figure I can walk in them and wow people even more than my orange shoes do–great to help people smile! I don’t know what’s next in the celebratory line, but, perhaps a new computer since mine is acting up.
The other news of a health nature is that I am now on oxygen most of the time. The pulmonary-cancer doctor had me tested and my oxygen level fell to an unacceptable level–hence the oxygen. I’m getting used to having almost 50 feet of tubing following me around the house–except when it gets hooked up on something and I have to backtrack and free it! It’s obviously helping, so I’m willing to put up with the inconvenience. I have to admit that I’ve not yet worn it outside the house and need to do that–especially when doing things like grocery shopping. A little more courage and I’ll be able to use the portable tank when I’m out.
May there be things in your life to celebrate!!
peace and love,
nan
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Today, after looking at my CT scans, two doctors at a cancer facility in town, other than the one I use, declared me in remission!!!!!!!!!!!!
love,
nan
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